SAG demands actors ‘buy American’ when getting penis facial treatments

Celebrity facialist Georgia Louise had a “secret facial” made of liquified Korean baby foreskins – at least until Cate Blanchett leaked it all over New York City – and now Hollywood’s labor union wants to know why actors aren’t “buying American.”

“Who doesn’t like having their face covered in a mask of liquified foreskins cut from the penises of male infants?” asked SAG-AFTRA President Gabrielle Carteris on hearing that Kate Beckinsale was also a client.

“I get that, but I’m truly horrified that any union member would buy the serum from a foreign country when there are plenty of American foreskins available right here in the US of A,” Carteris said.

The “serum” obtained by Louise is a “cocktail formula” called Epidermal Growth Factor that is injected into actors’ faces with a “micro-needling” technique to “generate collagen and elastin, to tighten and firm the skin.” The process reportedly costs $650.

Planned Parenthood President Leana Wen said her nationwide network of abortion clinics could easily provide enough liquified foreskins to supply Hollywood’s demand.

“Our estimates are that Hollywood would only need 75 percent of the foreskins collected from the 600,000 legal abortions we induce every year,” said Wen. “There’s clearly no legitimate need to import Korean foreskins.”

SAG-AFTRA represents 160,000  media professionals, said Carteris, and “as the most distinguished entertainment and media union in the world we must lean into human rights issues like #MeToo and penis facials.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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