Letterman Top 10 List: People with the Least Credibility on Drugs, Alcohol, and Sex Abuse

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David Letterman shed his Sex Abuser Santa costume this weekend and came out of retirement for a second time to give us his last and final Top 10 List: People with the Least Amount of Credibility on Drugs, Alcohol, and Sex Abuse.

Letterman started off by teasing the audience with a titillating question.

[Begin transcript]

What were Robert De Niro, Rob Reiner, and Brett Kavanaugh doing in 1982? Leaving John Belushi to die of a drug overdose in a Hollywood bungalow.

And now, the top ten list of people with the least amount of credibility on drugs, alcohol, and sex abuse! Drum roll please, maestro.

#10: Homeless heroin addicts in big cities governed by Democrats. It’s amazing this is number ten, isn’t it?

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#9: The rock-n-roll band members on late night comedy shows hosted by men who admit to sexually abusing women.

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#8: Politicians who leave women to drown and get reelected to make ‘waitress sandwiches’ or fly by private jet to an Orgy Island owned by a registered sex offender.

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#7: Anyone who knew Harvey Weinstein was sexually abusing women and said nothing until it was politically – and professionally – expedient to bravely come out and lecture us about donating money to Democrats.

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#6: Gonzo Journalists.

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#5: Revolving door journalists who abuse their female staff members and interview powerful rapists and lecture us about the War on Women.

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#4: United Nations peace keepers who lecture us about saving the poor and then take our money to fund military gang rapists in the Congo, South Sudan, Ivory Coast, Haiti, and the Central African Republic.

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#3: The Pope.

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#2: Comedians who stand around watching other comedians overdose on intravenous injections of heroin and cocaine. Honestly, what’s really amazing is that this isn’t number one with an isobutyl nitrite bullet.

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#1: And, the number one person with the least amount of credibility on drugs, alcohol, and sex abuse is — and remember this in November, folks, if you’re accused of rape with no evidence and you have to prove to the world you didn’t do it, the best bud of accused rapist Ben Affleck will make fun of you with the folks who killed John Belushi — Matt Damon, Matt Damon, Matt Damon!

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