9:21 pm: Sources say no crime was committed when Antonin Scalia’s doppelganger replaced him on the Supreme Court, and Barrett did not run a brothel from high school. The Sacramento Brie is confident in its reporting this time.
8:49 pm: Correction. An earlier report said Amy Coney Barrett operated her brothel only from her 3rd year French class. She may have operated a sex-for-hire business only from her Trigonometry class. We regret the error.
8:34 pm: Sources from St. Mary’s suggest that Amy Coney Barrett may have operated her brothel only from her 3rd year French class. “She wouldn’t have taken Home EC and Trig the same year,” said a classmate identified only as P.P.P. “This is a LIE.”
8:20 pm: Aggressive new reporting from our crack staff has turned the narrative on its head once again. Not only did Barrett sell sex from Home Economics and Trigonometry, but she enlisted the Madame from French class into her illicit scheme. Her nomination is doomed.
8:02 pm: In a bizarre twist, the editor of The Sacramento Brie reported his (her?) hoax to the Washington Post. Barrett’s nomination could happen after all. We’ve reached out to Jennifer Rubin for comment.
7:50 pm: An anonymous source sent The Sacramento Brie an unsigned letter with no return address saying that our editor now wants to remain confidential. We’ve reached out to The Intercept for confirmation.
7:43 pm: Is The Sacramento Brie lying? Our investigation has unearthed a new tweet that undermines the original narrative that Amy Coney Barrett ran a brothel out of her Trigonometry class. Did Barrett ALSO sell sex from “home economics”?
In a shocking new development, the anonymous editor of The Sacramento Brie admitted on Twitter that he (she?) had paid for sex in 1990 at a high school brothel run by potential Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett. But that’s not all. Read more about the scandal that could tank President Trump’s nominee to replace the Notorious Ruth Bader Ginsburg.