Gavin Newsom: ‘Imputed income tax could pay for universal healthcare’

Gavin Newsom can’t wait to get his hands on your Imputed Income.

If you’re wondering how California could possibly afford a $400 billion universal healthcare plan that would double the state budget, you’re not alone. But Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom has a plan.

Imputed Income.

If you’re wondering what that is, you’re not alone. Here’s how it works.

Let’s say you own a $250,000 home.

“In California?” you ask. “You must be joking.”

I’ll ignore that and continue. Your payments are $2,000 a month, but government census data says you could rent that home out for $3,000 a month.

“I’m not renting my home out,” you say. “I’m living in it.”

Okay, but Robert Reich – the man who says “annul the presidency” – didn’t conceive of imputed income back in 1994 just so you could wriggle your way out of it.

No. You must see that you could rent your home out for $1,000 a month more than your mortgage payment. And in today’s overheated rental market that’s just not fair to people who have to rent homes. They don’t get the tax deductions you get. They don’t own their own homes.

“What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?” you ask.

Well, that’s racist cultural appropriation, but I’ll ignore it and continue.

Millions of people just like you make way more money than millions of other people, but a simple change to Franchise Tax Board Form 540 can take care of that.

Using the example above, your home could rent for $3,000, and you pay only $2,000 a month. So Form 540 instructs you to multiply the difference by 12.

Your imputed income is $12,000.

Add that to your other income. Then subtract line 47 from line 35, and add lines 48, 61, 62, and 63 to figure your total tax. Send that money to Gavin Newsom to pay for universal health care.

And don’t whine. Taxes are what pay for roads, schools, clean water, and healthcare for undocumented immigrants. Besides that, no one increased the tax rate, so you have nothing to whine about.

“What if that’s still not enough?”

I’m glad you asked. Highly educated millennials with six-figure educations are working as baristas or bartenders or lollygoggling in their parent’s basements when they should be making six-figure incomes and paying their fair share of income tax revenue.

Clearly, prime candidates for Imputed Income.

“What happens when the baby boom generation retires?”

The brain trust behind Gavin Newsom is just bright enough to realize that the economy simply cannot survive if such a large contingent of its most productive and affluent citizens suddenly quit – er, I mean, retire – and become “net consumers” instead of “net producers.”

Enter Imputed Income.

Of course, no one knows how much Imputed Income will be necessary to fund Healthcare for All, Preschool for All, Affordable Housing for All, Free College for All, or – if climate change demands it – Electric Vehicles for All.

But that’s the beauty of it. Ask Gavin Newsom.

Correction: “Free College for All” was added to the list of free stuff to be paid for with the Imputed Income Tax. Because The Sacramento Brie is not only the world’s first multicultural newspaper, but also the most transparent in history.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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