Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT) has partnered with climate science star Michael Mann, and the two scientists have turned their prodigious intellects to the other national security issue that threatens every person in America: Health Care.
“We took numbers from the Mercatus Center study and plugged them into Dr. Mann’s computer modeling software,” Sanders said at a recent press conference. “The result entirely validates my position that Americans would save $2 trillion over ten years if we pass Medicare For All. That’s why I’m running for president again in 2020.”
Columnist to the world Mark Steyn happened to be in the audience, and pointed out that the chart provided by Senator Sanders looked remarkably similar to Mann’s “hockey stick” prediction of worldwide global warming.
“We will continue to work to guarantee access to healthcare to the American people,” Sanders retorted. “Health is a sovereign right, and in Our Revolution, we will continue to build a healthy country.”
Steyn was immediately attacked by a masked individual who looked remarkably similar to Michel Mann, and the press conference came to an abrupt end as Steyn and the alleged Mann engaged in physical and verbal warfare.
“This is nothing but problematic proxies, dubious weighting, errors of basic geography, and upside-down data!” Steyn shouted, evading a haymaker thrown by the disputable scientist.
“It’s difficult to keep up with this dizzying ongoing assault on science!” countered the alleged Mann, dodging a dangerous left hook from Steyn.
Sanders tried to escape the room, but was cornered by former Social Security and Medicare trustee Charles Blahous, the author of the Mercatus study.
“You can call your plan whatever you want – single payer, Medicare for all, or the Bolivarian National Surgical Plan – but my study found the exact opposite of what you just said!” Blahous charged.
“The American dream is more apt to be realized in South America, where incomes are actually more equal today than they are here,” Sanders insisted. “Who’s the banana republic now?”
As Sanders walked away, Blahous called after him, “What kind of socialist are you?”
Breaking out of a headlock administered by the alleged Mann, Steyn shouted, “The kind that demands $32.6 trillion from taxpayers to alter their medical care and then misleads them about the imagined benefits!”