President Trump considering pardons for Roseanne and Barack


President Trump, who pardoned Dinesh D’Souza today, is reportedly considering  pardons for Barack Obama, Roseanne Barr, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, and lifestyle entrepreneur Martha Stewart.

Blagojevich is in prison for corruption. Stewart served time after being convicted of charges related to a stock sale. And D’Souza pleaded guilty to campaign finance fraud.

Saying that the only other option for Barack was to “lock him up” for his role in the domestic political spying scandal called Spygate, Trump said he preferred to unite the country by issuing a preemptive pardon for the former president.

Mr. Obama immediately took to Twitter, telling his supporters and anyone else who would listen, “I heard about this on the news, just like you. But let me be clear: I will reject any pardon because that’s not who we are. Also, I didn’t do it. Valerie Jarrett acted alone.”

The pardon for Roseanne was floated after ABC rehired her for calling Dinesh D’Souza a “monkey’s uncle” and then fired her again when she said Martha Stewart was a “feckless cunt” who should be in prison.

The pardons and rumors of pardons came after America’s cold civil war turned hot and comedian Samantha Bee dropped the nuclear C-word on Ivanka Trump, the president’s daughter. Mr. Trump has already ruled out a pardon for Ms. Bee.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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