Day 1 of the California War: It’s lawn day, will anyone come?

War_Day1

The streets are empty this morning. People are saying the troops have moved to another neighborhood.

It’s Day 1. Governor Jerry Brown declared war against America yesterday.

My wife was crying until 3 a.m., afraid the Russians will take advantage of the chaos. I was more worried about the Macedonian content farmers. We drank ourselves back to sleep with OYO vodka. The nose has a subtle mix of vanilla, brioche, and spiciness.

The shelling stopped while we were sleeping it off. Peering out the front windows I can see no damage,  but fresh graves still mark the police action people are calling the Tax Cut Massacre.

At least the threat of cholera has receded.

The streets are empty because the troops have moved to another neighborhood.

It’s lawn day. Will anyone come? When the governor made his announcement, I left work early to sharpen my lawnmower blades.

By 9:00 a.m. three people had knocked on my door selling security cameras. Good thing I bought mine last week on the black market.

Apologies for the disjointed nature of this dispatch. It’s still early and the situation is fluid. Everyone I know is terrified that Jeff Beauregard Sessions will march to the sea and destroy our ability to Resist.

There’s someone at the door!

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