Advanced Peace: State to provide guaranteed income, bonus when you shoot someone

Personal security specialist Clyde Bonnie says the new policies will ensure that no one earning a guaranteed income will be able to afford his services.

In an effort to stem the tide of gun violence, California is adopting two sensible gun safety policies that legislators hope will replace the 19,000 sections of the Penal Code that criminals currently ignore.

First, a committee of Legislature-approved citizens will identify communities eligible to receive a free and guaranteed income equal to the median income of the city in which they live. In Sacramento, the median income is about $62,800 per year.

To save on costs, lump-sum checks will be delivered once a year. To prevent people from falling back into poverty, the guaranteed income will automatically increase as the total social income grows.

More importantly – and contrary to flawed advice from so-called “classical liberals” – government bureaucratic control will increase as a robust check against fraud. And rich cities like San Francisco – where the median income is over $100,000 – will receive special dispensation to limit immigration from low-rent cities in the Central Valley.

Second, people in the eligible communities who commit gun violence will be given a $5,000 bonus to attend Advanced Peace Training.

The new policy defines “gun violence” as “illegally, intentionally, and successfully wounding or killing someone with a firearm” and limits the bonuses to five shootings within ten years.

Sanctuary State laws remain in place, so individuals who accidentally commit a shooting and are not in the state illegally are ineligible for the bonus and will be prosecuted as usual.

“Robots are going to force most people out of work soon, anyway, so guaranteed income is coming whether we like it or not,” said Gov. Jerry Brown. “We’re putting at-risk communities first because no one should be afraid of what their government – or their neighbors – might do to them.”

Not everyone thinks the new policies will work. Clyde Bonnie, CEO of L.A. Executive Protection Specialists, a personal security firm for the stars, said any statements touting the benefits of the programs are “hot garbage.”

“You can train the man out of the zip code, but not the zip code out of the man,” said Bonnie. “This program won’t work, and that’s where we come in. But I guarantee we’re too expensive for anyone getting a guaranteed income.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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