Will she run? Winfrey promises everyone free car, ounce of pot


Oprah Winfrey seemed to take a page from the 1928 Republican playbook at Sunday night’s Golden Globes when she appeared to promise everyone in America a new electric car and an ounce of pot.

“You get an ounce of pot and a new electric car!” she said, pointing at the cameras during her speech at the 75th Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. “Everyone gets an ounce of pot and a new car!”

Winfrey did not say she was running for president, but celebrities in the audience went wild with enthusiasm when she said the custom of giving free stuff to the peasants didn’t start with Barack Obama.

“In the 17th century, King Henry IV wished that each of his peasants would enjoy a chicken in his pot every Sunday,” said Winfrey, “and Republicans in 1928 promised a chicken in every pot and a car in every back yard to boot.”

Aziz Ansari, who won an award for Best TV Actor Musical or Comedy said he already smokes “too much weed” and has “too many cars” before clarifying that he was joking.

“I’m kidding,” he said. “You can make too much money, but you can’t have too much shit. Oprah would make a great president.”

Helen Mirren, caught on camera slurping wine from an enormous golden cup at the backstage party, said she could really use a new car. “I crashed my Tesla last week, so this is perfect timing. Hash tag me too.”

Reporters around the world echoed Ansari’s sentiment, speculating before Winfrey even left the microphone that she would run for president in 2020.

“I don’t know if she’s running, but the woman has gravitas,” said CNN’s Jake Tapper, noting her impressive grasp of history and foreign policy. “Although Herbert Hoover was POTUS 31, he never uttered the phrase about chickens. And President Trump doesn’t even know who Henry IV was.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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