‘White ally’ in Good Samaritan Hospital after ‘Black Xmas’ shopping trip


Activist group Black Lives Matter of Los Angeles (BLM) is calling for holiday shoppers to celebrate “black Christmas” by shopping only at stores owned by black people.

Anthony Ratcliff, a BLM leader and professor at California State University Los Angeles, said, “Black Lives Matter and other organizations build a strong critique and understanding of racism and white supremacy and sexism and homophobia, transphobia, but we have to have as much hatred or vitriol against capitalism. Until we start to see capitalism [is] just as nefarious as white supremacy, we will always be struggling.”

Molly Claire, a senior in Gender Studies at CSULA who considers herself a “white ally,” put her faith into action on Black Friday.

“Leaders said it was time for people to resist white capitalism and divest from white corporations,” she said from her bed in the Good Samaritan Hospital. “So that’s what I did.”

Claire said she visited the nearby City Shopping Center and tried to ascertain which businesses were owned by black people.

“How are you supposed to know if you don’t ask?” she asked. “After about the third store, I noticed a group of people following me. I don’t remember much after that.”

Doctors said Claire has a concussion, a broken nose, three broken ribs, and various contusions, but should recover soon.

Editor’s Note: Some of the names in this article have been changed to protect the innocent. And if you haven’t guessed already because there’s too much truth here, this site is 100% satire.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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