Mermaids say Central Valley mayors touched them inappropriately

SacBrie_Mermaid

Earlier this year, naked illegal mermaid immigrants from the Dead Sea found their way into California’s Central Valley, where they were immediately welcomed by the mayors of Fresno and Sacramento.

Now those mermaids have come forward saying the mayors touched them inappropriately.

In Fresno, Mayor Brand’s office issued a statement saying he had “merely offered her a jack and coke after the long and dangerous journey. The mayor categorically denies any ‘inappropriate’ touching, and we question her sanity for choosing Fresno in the first place.”

Mayor Steinberg took a more personal approach, and met with The Brie in the same Sacramento office where the mermaid had been interviewed.

“She sat in the same chair you’re in now,” said Steinberg, “and we may have discussed a taxpayer funded world-class olympic pool and gender reassignment surgery. But at no time did I touch her, even though I was admittedly curious about her fins.”

Attorney Gloria Allred, who is representing the mermaids, says even her experts aren’t sure what language the sirens speak, but that the charges are nevertheless very serious.

“Both mayors should resign immediately,” Allred said. “In this climate of sexual toxicity, no male is truly safe.”

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