Democrats to introduce legislation banning assault penises

AssaultGun

National Public Radio’s Cokie Roberts reports that a new front has opened in the War on Women.

Congressional Democrats plan to introduce legislation banning assault penises, says NPR’s Mary Martha Corinne Morrison Claiborne Boggs Roberts, best known as “Cokie.”

The bill targets a number of features of male genitalia that can be used to enhance the assault on women, and comes hard and fast on the same day Garrison Keillor and Matt Lauer were fired from their positions with Minnesota Public Radio and NBC News, respectively.

Among the banned features are the pistol grip, grenade launcher, the bump stock, the bill clinton, and the AR 15. In addition, brandishing a penis and open carry of a penis will also be illegal.

Men who have a penis capable of firing 10 rounds or less from a fixed magazine will be able to apply for a concealed carry license.

Men who have either no penis or a replica will be allowed to keep their weapons under a grandfather clause.

“No longer will women be afraid to enter elevators with men who have assault penises,” Roberts wrote in an emotional column co-authored by her husband.

The SacBrie reached out to the Roberts family to determine whether Mr. Roberts would be subject to the proposed law, but had not received a reply by press time.

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