Bill Clinton files for divorce, ‘ashamed’ Hillary wasn’t ‘fully empowered’ by women

Bill_Divorces_Hillary

Members of President Barack Obama’s staff grope a facsimile of newly-designated Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in this photo from 2008.

President Bill Clinton has filed for divorce from his wife, Hillary Rodham Clinton, saying recent sexual harassment scandals have caused him to “rethink” his life.

“At the time, I said to myself that what she did was okay because the groping was fake,” he wrote in a prepared statement. “She wasn’t really too drunk to protest the fake sexual assault, but I see now that she failed to fully use the female empowerment Democrats fought so hard, over so many years, to win for all women.”

The Democratic power couple have been married for 42 years.

“We all laughed it off when Barack Obama’s speechwriter groped that cardboard cutout of Hillary,” President Clinton said. “I’m ashamed I didn’t see how inappropriate it was that she didn’t fight back hard enough to be elected.”

President Clinton said he has “learned from” the public apologies offered by Kevin Spacey and Louis C.K. for their own history of sexual assault. He plans to embark on a nationwide “listening tour” to “stimulate” the Democratic Party prior to the 2020 general election.

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