Unnamed sources: Kevin Spacey seeking ‘hetero conversion therapy’

KevinSpacey

Actor Kevin Spacey is seeking “heterosexual conversion therapy” after being hit with allegations of sexual misconduct, according to members of the gay community who should know. Spacey’s representative disputed that characterization of the treatment, saying, “No other information is available at this time.”

“We are upset and offended about the way Spacey came out,” said one gay man we talked to. “Everyone I know thinks he should stay hetero. We don’t want him in our community.”

Filmmaker and author Carol Gould also said the gay community is upset and offended. “He tried to portray himself as heterosexual for thirty years,” she said, looking upset and offended. “And now suddenly he comes out because he’s been accused of attacking a boy. … Please don’t connect the two, that ‘because I’m gay I did this.'”

The Sacramento Brie failed in its attempts to find out what the goals of such therapy might be, but we’re using our vast network of unnamed sources to report on it anyway.

At a gay bar in San Francisco, we encountered a group of gay men arguing what kind of therapy it could actually be.

One man said it could be fake news, and Spacey could be undergoing “gay conversion therapy” banned in California. Another said being gay is genetic and no one needs therapy for it. A third man said, “I don’t care what kind of therapy it is. If Spacey ever comes here, I’ll throw him out myself.”

Everyone except fictional character Frank Underwood agrees that being upset and offended is the right choice. Netflix has suspended production on the sixth and final season of Netflix’s “House of Cards,” in which Spacey plays the lead role of Underwood, a liberal bisexual psychopath who becomes President of the United States.

In a statement to the press, Netflix and Media Rights Capital said, “We’re upset and offended, but we view Kevin seeking treatment as a positive step. We’re also seeking corporate conversion therapy to discover why we could have hired him in the first place. We have nothing further to share at this time.”

Director Ridley Scott is upset and offended after finishing production of “All the Money in the World,” in which Spacey portrays oil tycoon J. Paul Getty, a dead heterosexual who is upset and offended at being played by a gay man.

Dead gay man Gore Vidal is also upset and offended that Spacey is playing him in the Netflix production of “Gore,” an upcoming biopic of the late American writer.

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