50-year sexual assault odyssey of famous scientist uncovered by investigators


  • Political sociologist started his campaign of assault in 1966.
  • Hundreds of people have come forward with accusations.
  • Investigators only recently uncovered trail of victims.
  • Private diary says “f*ck anything that moves.”

A famed political scientist has been accused of sexual assault after investigators discovered a pattern of ominous behavior going back to 1966.

Diary entries, private letters, and audio tapes of secret speeches tell a tale of collusion with other scientists – and the political establishment – to identify victims and “harass them into submission.”

“This was an intentional campaign of harassment and assault, targeting some of the least privileged citizens in our society,” said lead investigator Carlotta Carlyle. “He freely admitted that the weaker they were, the better he liked them.”

A close colleague of the alleged perpetrator said she was “shocked and appalled” when she heard the sordid details of his private diary, which included this entry from 1972: “I’ll fuck anything that moves until it seizes up and stops functioning.”

“It’s hard to believe he did all those things, but he couldn’t have done it by himself,” said Frances Fox Piven of her one-time colleague/husband Richard Cloward. “I’m convinced there was a cabal of like-minded people who assaulted thousands in an attempt to precipitate a crisis that would destroy the very fabric of our society. Words cannot express how disgusted I am.”

Correction: A previous version of this article misspelled Richard Cloward’s name and neglected to say that Piven and he were married. As a burlesque news source with a reputation that rivals the Sacramento Bee, the Sacramento Brie stands by the rest of the story.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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