Miss Manning: How do I terminate the visiting fellowship of a convicted spy?

The Sacramento Brie is proud to announce that Chelsea Manning has joined our editorial team. Her new “Miss Manning” column will focus on the etiquette of a rapidly-changing social landscape. We hope you enjoy her inaugural column.

MissManning-BootStomp
Miss Manning

DEAR MISS MANNING: I am the dean of a famous institution of higher learning. We recently offered a visiting fellowship to a person who was convicted of espionage, served 7 years in a military prison, and was pardoned by the president. A backlash of historic proportions has forced me to revoke the fellowship. What would be a good way to deliver the bad news?

GENTLE READER: Would you be surprised to hear that Miss Manning and her team consider it obligatory to trash and burn a party to which one was disinvited? One does not simply revoke the high ground from an activist without expecting a penalty. We politely suggest that you hire more armed security guards, board up any nearby ATM’s, and warn your fellow deans about a backlash of historic proportions. #SeeYouAtHarvard #WeGotThis

    

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.