Cruise ships offer .50 caliber shooting lessons on Indian Ocean routes

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President Trump has launched a new international cruise line that will offer passengers age 18 or older the opportunity to shoot at Indian Ocean pirates with a deck-mounted .50 caliber machine gun.

Pirate attacks off the coast of Africa have intensified in recent years. In March, pirates hijacked an oil tanker off Somalia, and the possibility of attack forced the Sea Princess – a luxury cruise ship on a 104-day world tour with 1,900 passengers – into a 10-day blackout while traversing the Indian Ocean, Arabian Sea, the Gulf of Aden and the Suez Canal.

“No deck parties, no movies under the stars, no late-night outdoor bar hopping or pool dipping,” one Sea Princess passenger told an Australian newspaper. “No lights, no party atmosphere, no lapping up tropical breezes on their balconies.”

“Fuck that,” said Trump Line Cruise Director Julie McCoy. “When our passengers pay for a cruise, they’ll get a cruise. There will be no hiding in the dark. And if we have to conduct ‘compulsory pirate drills’ it will be with live fire.”

“We decided to offer our passengers the Browning M2A1 because the flash hider reduces muzzle flash by 95 percent,” said McCoy. “It’s air-cooled, can be transported to different locations by the crew, has a range of 4.2 miles, and can fire 850 rounds per minute.”

“Of course, we neither confirm nor deny the presence of any other weapons on our ships,” she added.

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