Sacramento forecasts booming cottage industry around O.J. Simpson

The mere suggestion that O.J. Simpson might be moving to Sacramento had local leaders scrambling to welcome him. And that was before Simpson was paroled from federal prison by unanimous vote.

Now that Simpson will be released, Sacramento can start in earnest to create and maintain jobs around the former NFL superstar and convicted armed robber, said a representative of Mayor Darrell Steinberg.


“We think OJ memorabilia and Ford Bronco restoration businesses could be a big part of Sacramento’s job creation engine,” said the representative, who asked to remain anonymous until OJ actually arrives in town. “And that doesn’t count all the private investigators who could be hired to find the real killer.”

Simpson will bring with him $3 million from his NFL pension – money that can’t be touched by debt collectors, but might be tapped by “confidence persons” in the Steinberg administration.

“We have great confidence in the persons at City Hall,” said the source. “If anyone can convince Simpson to spend that money on local children, they can.”

Sources in the business community are similarly bullish.

“If OJ comes to Sacramento, we plan to cast him with Dog the Bounty Hunter in a new reality TV show that could be #1 with a bullet,” said one local media mogul, referring to the Legislature’s plan to reform the state’s bail bond industry.

Senate Bill 10 contends that “the current framework of setting bail by crime and then releasing defendants who can post that rate discriminates against the poor.”

“That is a hot button issue that could make a lot of money for everyone, but especially the children,” said the mogul. “We’re pitching the show with Dog as the evil bounty hunter who rounds up poor children for money, and OJ as the hero who saves poor innocent children from prison. The sub-plot, of course, is that Dog is really helping OJ find Nicole’s killer.”

When asked about the show, Sacramento District Attorney Anne Schubert said, “Any money OJ makes from the show would have to be given to the families of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman, so it would be a win-win for everyone.”

It’s not clear what role children will play in this cottage industry, but city officials did not explicitly deny that children saved from prison would not also be given jobs.


Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.