Keith Olbermann – known in the television industry as “the man fired by everyone” – tried to fire himself from his own YouTube show while protesting Donald Trump’s firing of FBI Director James Comey.
Olbermann, who wore a Jihad-style suicide vest on his latest YouTube show The Resistance with Keith Olbermann, had one of his trademark tantrums shortly before detonating the explosives.
“At this hour, one of three things is already and irretrievably underway,” Olbermann ranted. “Either the end of Trump, or the end of American democracy, or the end of me, because you cannot fire the man who is investigating you without making me a martyr.”
After the explosion, Olbermann’s head was still talking as if nothing had happened.
“Even I can’t kill The Resistance,” he said triumphantly from his blood-spattered basement studio. “So, at this hour, one of TWO things is already and irretrievably underway: either the end of Trump, or the end of American democracy.”
After the show, Olbermann continued the rant on Twitter. It is not known how he accomplished the feat without any hands.
A spokesman for ISIS responded to news of the attempted martyrdom. “Keith’s talent is so huge that he doesn’t need a body,” said official spokesman Abu al-Hassan al-Muhajer. “But we greatly admire his Resistance movement, so we are offering him the body of Russian spy Yevgeny Petrenko.”
Petrenko, a Russian military officer, was recently beheaded by the terrorist organization in Syria, and Doctors Without Borders said they could perform the head reattachment surgery if Olbermann agreed.
“I appreciate al-Muhajer’s offer because we are brothers in arms,” said Olbermann. “But I don’t want the body of a Russian spy.”
Vladimir Putin said Olbermann was protesting too much. “The Petrenko family has already given their blessing, and this would allow Capt. Petrenko to continue his mission with the help of Comrade Olbermann,” he said through a translator.
Olbermann threatened to blow himself up again if the surgery was conducted against his will, but sources say the YouTube star will be walking normally again soon.